By Peter A. Robson

My wife, Sage, isn’t a big fan of sailing.  She isn’t prone to sea-sickness, she enjoys being on the water and she’s a wonderful companion when we’re out at sea.  We share the planning, provisioning, cooking and cleaning, and get along well on our cruises (especially at the dock or at anchor).  She can handle the steering and anchoring whenever necessary, and best of all, she goes to sea with me willingly and doesn’t complain about the privations of living aboard a 27-footer for a week — which is more like camping than yachting.

What she lacks, however, is confidence.  I’ve been on the water for much of my life, so handling a boat is second nature for me, but Sage and I met later in life, and she had no previous boating experience.  I do my best to explain the different sails, lines, sheets and halyards, and sailing theory, but apparently I’m not the best teacher in the world.  In contrast, she is a special education teaching assistant who is extremely skilled at explaining math, language and other subjects to elementary school students.  If she was teaching me, I’m sure she’d do a much better job of it.

Without understanding how boats work, it is pretty hard to know how to properly respond when necessary — and this makes it pretty tough to gain confidence.  I know this is a common theme for many experienced sailors — male or female — who take up with a partner with no experience.  It’s also probably the reason there are so many guys out there single handing, or offering their boats for sale in divorce proceedings.  Their wives have just said no!

So, whats a guy to do?  I suggest being understanding, patient, and not pushing to hard — or finding someone else to teach your partner.  The latter is certainly the easier solution and the best way to avoid conflict.  Sage isn’t yet taken with sailing enough to take lessons, so we’re taking the more difficult path.

The first year, the two of us spent a pleasant week in the gulf islands.  There were no disasters, but Sage was overwhelmed at times, especially when trying to figure out the tiller at the same time I was up on the foredeck reefing the sails in a blustery wind and lumpy sea as we crossed the Strait.  On that trip, we did the grand tour of the Gulf Islands and ended up covering a bit too much ground each day for her liking.

Last year, I wanted to make sure she didn’t give up on boating for good so we planned a more leisurely agenda.  It wasn’t going to be much of an adventure — we were only going from Vancouver to Howe Sound, but I figured it was my last shot before being relegated to sailing vacations with the boys or single handed.

We had superb, hot weather.  We spent two leisurely days at Halkett Bay on Gambier, two days at Plumper Cove on Keats, and two days at Snug Cove on Bowen.  The sailing was excellent and the pace relaxed.  She enjoyed it almost as much as I did.  We read a pile of books, snoozed a lot, swam a couple of times each day, and poked around onshore whenever we felt like it.

In the end, it’s not surprising that Sage enjoyed this second trip much better than the first.  And while she was still a bit flustered by the sailing, once again she proved a super companion and gained a bit more confidence.  I keep telling her she was doing great — and she was — but gaining confidence or the will to tackle extended cruising may or may not come to pass.  I think it is vital for anyone with a partner not enamoured with boating to do whatever is necessary to make the experience as fun as possible for that person — whether that means finding a teacher, or simply hanging on the hook nearby for a week.

The good news for me is that Sage has talked about perhaps replacing the sailboat with a trawler.  Well, if that’s what it takes. Anyone know of a couple getting divorced and selling a trawler for real cheap?

March 2009